Right now, I am a frizzy-haired pacifist in mercenaries’ clothing, and Sally, my five month old puppy, is a chronically muddy dog with a taste for paper who cannot keep her leash untangled despite my efforts to enable her (my views not hers.)
Self-acceptance is not about making excuses for your behavior; it’s looking in the mirror, being honest, and identifying the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, and the tangled. Most of us have trouble with one half of this or the other. However, wherever we go, we are there, and the only way to change this perpetual company we keep is to get to know, embrace, love, and forgive that person. Who knows, once we get to know them, we may not want to change them so much.
After all, spending time condemning ourselves, like worrying, does not contribute to life at all (neither does fooling ourselves,) and comparing ourselves to others is a defect in itself. This is true in asana practice as well. We have to meet our bodies where they are; forcing them into poses, rather than accepting their current state and allowing them to open organically, will literally cause our bodies to bust out of the constriction which is both painful and expensive.
Each part of us is a pixel of our image, our being; only together do they form a real picture; furthermore, our unique state of being, even awkwardness, are pieces of a larger universal puzzle which requires every single one to make the whole. Funny thing is the moment of glimpsing this entire picture ironically will cause it to immediately change! Just keep your eyes open!
First things first, though, we cannot accept ourselves until we know ourselves through self-study, “svadhyaya.” The ancient Indian sage, Putanjali, as interpreted by BKS Iyengar, said that we learn of our true selves through studying sacred texts. Alternatively, Deepak Chopra has said that all of our parts, positive and negative ones, become apparent when we act with passion, so that when we throw our whole selves into something, a task or pursuit, then every piece comes to the surface. This can be a little scary and is at least partially responsible for why we often act on the shallow surface of life and do not make a habit of truly looking in the mirror much less to say, I love you.
What many people experience as obstacles in life are reflections of “a decision to shut out understanding.” In other words, they are reflections of our own resistance. Nevertheless, we often feel like victims of an uncontrollable current. This bewilderment is not fate but “holes in awareness,” places where we haven’t looked.
Looking in the mirror is liberating. It removes obstacles as well as the pretense between you and your God, a relationship that will produce even further self-acceptance, and, if that God can love your company, surely you can too.
I will most likely always dance like a white girl who spent too much time in Ballet and be the girl who turns red, speaks “so softly,” tries too hard to make conversation, and is more comfortable playing by herself a few yards away… most of the time, but I know it and intend to throw my shimmy-like-a-white-girl self into this rabbit hole called life as fully as possible, eyes wide open, and accept, if not enjoy, my company while I’m at it. Won’t you join me?
(Perhaps your knee jerk reaction is that this is so very cheesy, but I dare you to look where you haven’t looked just for kicks…)
Namaste,
Crystal
