Roots for Reaching

"You're grounded!" These were the words I most dreaded in eighth grade along with "if you ever do that again, I'm going to send you to live with [fill in the blank with most intimidating relative or government agency.]" These days, all I want is to feel "grounded," to feel connected, established and strong.

Anyone that's ever taken a yoga class from me or my yoga teacher, J.J. Gormley Etchells, has heard us say "oil up!" In yoga and Ayurveda, we are taught to put pure natural oils on our bodies and food to connect with the earth element and to do poses like virabhadrasana and forward folds to feel centered and empowered rather than anxious or forgetful. They absolutely work! However, if that sounds a little voodoo to you, go outside and walk around barefoot! Plant a garden, and you will tend to the garden within.

The dogs are onto something with all of their digging, and I am not talking about a mole. "Earth yourselves!" as Dianne says at Graybear in Tennessee. Leading scientists in the U.S. and U.K. are catching up to this 5,000+ year old truth, reporting that children who learn to garden have improved well-being, learning, and development.

The most I ever felt so protected, connected, and at peace was upon apprehensively entering a cave at Blacktail Ranch along the Continental Divide in Montana, but simply sitting in the grass will work.

Connecting to the Earth is a metaphor for reconnecting to our own roots. Sitting in the cave where Pre-Ice Age Americans lived, reminded me of my roots, my immediate ancestors who worked, strived, and loved as hard as they possibly could and who gracefully grew azaleas, plums, and snap beans. I am reminded of the Spirit within who is the universal omnipotent root of us all, the "vine" from which we grow and are fed.

What are your roots and what forms your foundation? What is your legacy? Who are your roots?

Sometimes reconnecting with our family roots is as scary as crawling into a dark cave, but the vast openness, clarity, and deep understanding from going within, reconnecting, or momentarily looking back are well worth the dirt.

Like trees and plants, we cannot grow and reach without being firmly planted. In yoga (as in Christianity,) our roots for reaching are nonviolence (to ourselves and others,) truthfulness, freedom from jealousy or avarice, and ultimately the soul and Spirit proceeding through our actions... acting from our roots.

Let us feel our roots and reach for the sun. Namaste!

Partly Cloudy Days

When I woke up this morning to clouds and 70 degrees, I had some mild panic of what will become of the world if it rains on Memorial Day Weekend! Then, I noticed the cool breeze, a rarity in Mississippi that always reminds me of my Papa Utley's grave, and I remembered the day after Hurricane Isaac.

Sally (my canine soul mate) and I walked along the branch-covered street gleeful of the nice weather. Any other day, I would have thought in the cloudy dampness it would be better to stay home and not venture out, but, after Hurricane Isaac, it was a lovely day!

Of course, I heard myself and others giving thanks that Isaac was not Katrina. Life is the same as the weather. Annoyances and disappointments of everyday life can seem like the worst, but they are nothing compared to sickness and death.

At the risk of being completely cliche, it is the Hurricane Katrinas in life that make pearls of our scar tissue-covered hearts and make us appreciate the freshness and light of change and in cloudy damp days. They give us perspective without which our lives would truly be very small and unhappy.

A twinge of fear creeps in as I write this, saying "be careful what you ask for," but I am asking that our Higher Power be gentle with us as we venture out, and I give thanks for partly cloudy days. 

Mean People...

Mean People... We all know them, and I'm pretty sure that we have all been one at some point or another. In writing this post, I don't want to spend too much time focusing on negativity or those that seem to perpetually carry it around because I don't want to feed it. My goal is to provide positive and productive ways to deal with difficult personalities that we encounter... or think that we are encountering. Like all posts, I'm writing this because it is something I am trying to learn and not because I claim an expertise.

The first step is to spend just a moment trying to see from where the mean, fuming, ugly, contrite behavior is coming. Is our higher power actually holding up a mirror so that we can recognize our own traits? Are we projecting a characteristic from our past - from a relative or prior relationship - onto a new person? On the other hand, does the person have a genuine disagreement with you, are they having a bad day and in need of compassion, or are they simply carrying around a lot of toxicity, evil, or duhka (Sanskrit for misconception, mental suffering, or trouble - not unlike the American dookie!)

If you might be projecting characteristics from a "ghost of your past" onto a new person or feel like you are repeatedly reliving interactions from your childhood or a prior relationship, recognizing this is the biggest key to stopping it.

We shouldn't spend too much time trying to figure out why the person is acting in such a manner, especially if it is not coming from us. They are not going to change just because we understand, and, if it's toxicity, we don't want to catch it! However, in all cases, we can respond in loving kindness and ahimsa (non-violence) which may mean protecting ourselves.

As my mother would say, we should try to let someone's ugly comments roll off of us like water on a duck's back, but here are some strategies when that is just not so easy.

When you find yourself very critical of another person, take a personal inventory. List all of your positive and negative traits. This is not self-centered. It will help all of your relationships and will even out some of that self-righteousness that I, for one, tend to get. After just a few sessions, extreme agitation can be replaced with a new awareness and even peace... at least for a while until you need to sit down again for more inventory! Try this before confronting the person or deciding not to speak to them for a month or forever... We can feel awfully justified in our own negative behavior if we do not take a personal inventory as well as a moment to check in with our higher power. Remember, "an eye for an eye" does not work here.

If you often feel victimized (mentally not physically,) in addition to an inventory, see how you are contributing to the situation and why you may be subconsciously choosing to participate, then go focus on taking care of yourself and getting busy living your life! (More on this to come.)

If the person really pushes your buttons or you have a long history of conflict with them, try the quantum collapse process. Take a sheet of paper and write down all of the person's negative characteristics, instances in which you have possessed the same, all of their positive characteristics, and instances in which you've possessed the same. Even if you can only think of one... Then, write down your own positive and negative characteristics and instances they've reflected those very same attributes until your writing overlaps and is all mixed together. This exercise may help you see the other person better and lessen their impact on you.

We also need to be cautious of how much importance we place on what other people think and if we are taking behavior personally when it may have absolutely nothing to do with us - even if the "mean person" thinks that it does. Are you making this person an idol by hyper focusing on their behavior?

Lastly, the biggest step I can offer is prayer, especially the Serenity Prayer:
           "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change  [especially the past and other people,] the courage to change the things I can [just my own thoughts and actions right this second,] and the wisdom to know the difference."

When you know that you are going to encounter a difficult person, in advance, pray (or take a time out) and remember that you are not alone. I have had moments where I just had to remember that my God and his group of heavily armed angels were right there with me. Another way to see this is to visualize a spiritual bubble of light surrounding you that none can penetrate. I, however, sometimes need more than a bubble.

We can also detach with love, setting boundaries about how we will engage with that person - often compassionately limiting the time we will spend with them. Some say to visualize physically cutting the rope that connects you. However, Yoga, Buddhism, Christianity, and most other spiritual teachings remind us that we are all connected energetically; so perhaps it's better to detach with love and hope rather than sharp objects...

Ultimately, don't bring a toxic person home with you! If you wouldn't want to live with them, then don't think about them all the time, placing them virtually beside you. For those who really do live with the person giving you trouble, all of the tools above are for you, but I am reminded of a quote: "Accept it, enjoy it, or change it!"

This is but one form of distraction and interruption in life. Hopefully, we can assess it and let the experience be a brief learning experience and a sign for us to get back to our own spiritual homework and self study, rather than allowing the experience to be an obstacle. That is the ultimate victory over a mean person -use them as a tool for growth and kindly move forward, boundaries lovingly established, with your posse of guardian angels and spiritual power. Remembering that we are all humans, all struggling in one way or another, but all accountable for our words and thoughts. Namaste!

Resources:
Michael Smith, The Presence Process
Melody Beattie, Language of Letting Go
Alanon materials such as Blueprint for Progress
Dr. John DeMartini

Coming Back

I have not written in 2 years and 7 months. A lot has happened in that time - marriage, new job, moving, and two more dogs to keep Sally company. 

There are seasons, ebbs and flows, in our lives just as there are in the Earth, and that is natural. We just have to recognize the season and act accordingly. ("It's winter; wear a coat!" as my parents would say) 

After spending eight years devoted to volunteerism and another four years encouraging others to do the same, I also backed off of that endeavor and focused all of my spare time on teaching yoga (and on building a new relationship.) With the dawn of 2014, I felt a new shift. I cancelled all but one regularly scheduled yoga class, not really knowing what was going to happen. Pretty quickly volunteer and leadership opportunities appeared, and my heart hollered, "yes! I am ready to do this!"

We, as humans, have to know when to let go and when to come back, whether that is in relationships, careers, projects, or even exercise. There is a balance, a healthy space, between isolating ourselves from everything and repeatedly coming back to something or someone that isn't working or is wearing us thin. At times, this is simply a momentary pause to take care of ourselves before we can continue to go on and take care of others; on the other hand, the change could be more long term.

This is not to say that my classes were going down hill. I just felt compelled to deliver that offering in a different way through workshops and, hopefully, this blog. There are shifts in life, in our energy, and in what we are called to do. 

To know, we have to listen. To listen, we have to relatively calm our minds and be patient. Sometimes, the instructions will be there waiting for us, and often, we have to ask a question of ourselves, of God, and of the Universe. Maybe the question we need to ask about our future is hovering right there, and we just need to acknowledge it. Don't worry about an answer, it will appear in its time. To move forward, we need a mustard seed of faith and confidence, AND... we have to keep clearing our minds and listening! 

Yoga poses, quiet time, and time in nature (ideally when it's not 20 degrees below normal, unless you're a duck hunter) - these practices will help clear your mind so that you can hear that inner whisper. 

To recognize whether what you hear is really your intuition and your Higher Power speaking to you and not actually fear or compulsive self destruction, ask whether the instruction is harmful to you or others and if it contradicts any Higher Truths you've come to know. If so, then it's not for you; it's just distraction and noise. 

So, what is your heart saying? What question is it asking? What part of yourself did you leave behind that perhaps its time to pick back up? What part of your life do you need to release? 

Happy 2014 and Namaste!