Roots for Reaching

"You're grounded!" These were the words I most dreaded in eighth grade along with "if you ever do that again, I'm going to send you to live with [fill in the blank with most intimidating relative or government agency.]" These days, all I want is to feel "grounded," to feel connected, established and strong.

Anyone that's ever taken a yoga class from me or my yoga teacher, J.J. Gormley Etchells, has heard us say "oil up!" In yoga and Ayurveda, we are taught to put pure natural oils on our bodies and food to connect with the earth element and to do poses like virabhadrasana and forward folds to feel centered and empowered rather than anxious or forgetful. They absolutely work! However, if that sounds a little voodoo to you, go outside and walk around barefoot! Plant a garden, and you will tend to the garden within.

The dogs are onto something with all of their digging, and I am not talking about a mole. "Earth yourselves!" as Dianne says at Graybear in Tennessee. Leading scientists in the U.S. and U.K. are catching up to this 5,000+ year old truth, reporting that children who learn to garden have improved well-being, learning, and development.

The most I ever felt so protected, connected, and at peace was upon apprehensively entering a cave at Blacktail Ranch along the Continental Divide in Montana, but simply sitting in the grass will work.

Connecting to the Earth is a metaphor for reconnecting to our own roots. Sitting in the cave where Pre-Ice Age Americans lived, reminded me of my roots, my immediate ancestors who worked, strived, and loved as hard as they possibly could and who gracefully grew azaleas, plums, and snap beans. I am reminded of the Spirit within who is the universal omnipotent root of us all, the "vine" from which we grow and are fed.

What are your roots and what forms your foundation? What is your legacy? Who are your roots?

Sometimes reconnecting with our family roots is as scary as crawling into a dark cave, but the vast openness, clarity, and deep understanding from going within, reconnecting, or momentarily looking back are well worth the dirt.

Like trees and plants, we cannot grow and reach without being firmly planted. In yoga (as in Christianity,) our roots for reaching are nonviolence (to ourselves and others,) truthfulness, freedom from jealousy or avarice, and ultimately the soul and Spirit proceeding through our actions... acting from our roots.

Let us feel our roots and reach for the sun. Namaste!

Partly Cloudy Days

When I woke up this morning to clouds and 70 degrees, I had some mild panic of what will become of the world if it rains on Memorial Day Weekend! Then, I noticed the cool breeze, a rarity in Mississippi that always reminds me of my Papa Utley's grave, and I remembered the day after Hurricane Isaac.

Sally (my canine soul mate) and I walked along the branch-covered street gleeful of the nice weather. Any other day, I would have thought in the cloudy dampness it would be better to stay home and not venture out, but, after Hurricane Isaac, it was a lovely day!

Of course, I heard myself and others giving thanks that Isaac was not Katrina. Life is the same as the weather. Annoyances and disappointments of everyday life can seem like the worst, but they are nothing compared to sickness and death.

At the risk of being completely cliche, it is the Hurricane Katrinas in life that make pearls of our scar tissue-covered hearts and make us appreciate the freshness and light of change and in cloudy damp days. They give us perspective without which our lives would truly be very small and unhappy.

A twinge of fear creeps in as I write this, saying "be careful what you ask for," but I am asking that our Higher Power be gentle with us as we venture out, and I give thanks for partly cloudy days. 

Mean People...

Mean People... We all know them, and I'm pretty sure that we have all been one at some point or another. In writing this post, I don't want to spend too much time focusing on negativity or those that seem to perpetually carry it around because I don't want to feed it. My goal is to provide positive and productive ways to deal with difficult personalities that we encounter... or think that we are encountering. Like all posts, I'm writing this because it is something I am trying to learn and not because I claim an expertise.

The first step is to spend just a moment trying to see from where the mean, fuming, ugly, contrite behavior is coming. Is our higher power actually holding up a mirror so that we can recognize our own traits? Are we projecting a characteristic from our past - from a relative or prior relationship - onto a new person? On the other hand, does the person have a genuine disagreement with you, are they having a bad day and in need of compassion, or are they simply carrying around a lot of toxicity, evil, or duhka (Sanskrit for misconception, mental suffering, or trouble - not unlike the American dookie!)

If you might be projecting characteristics from a "ghost of your past" onto a new person or feel like you are repeatedly reliving interactions from your childhood or a prior relationship, recognizing this is the biggest key to stopping it.

We shouldn't spend too much time trying to figure out why the person is acting in such a manner, especially if it is not coming from us. They are not going to change just because we understand, and, if it's toxicity, we don't want to catch it! However, in all cases, we can respond in loving kindness and ahimsa (non-violence) which may mean protecting ourselves.

As my mother would say, we should try to let someone's ugly comments roll off of us like water on a duck's back, but here are some strategies when that is just not so easy.

When you find yourself very critical of another person, take a personal inventory. List all of your positive and negative traits. This is not self-centered. It will help all of your relationships and will even out some of that self-righteousness that I, for one, tend to get. After just a few sessions, extreme agitation can be replaced with a new awareness and even peace... at least for a while until you need to sit down again for more inventory! Try this before confronting the person or deciding not to speak to them for a month or forever... We can feel awfully justified in our own negative behavior if we do not take a personal inventory as well as a moment to check in with our higher power. Remember, "an eye for an eye" does not work here.

If you often feel victimized (mentally not physically,) in addition to an inventory, see how you are contributing to the situation and why you may be subconsciously choosing to participate, then go focus on taking care of yourself and getting busy living your life! (More on this to come.)

If the person really pushes your buttons or you have a long history of conflict with them, try the quantum collapse process. Take a sheet of paper and write down all of the person's negative characteristics, instances in which you have possessed the same, all of their positive characteristics, and instances in which you've possessed the same. Even if you can only think of one... Then, write down your own positive and negative characteristics and instances they've reflected those very same attributes until your writing overlaps and is all mixed together. This exercise may help you see the other person better and lessen their impact on you.

We also need to be cautious of how much importance we place on what other people think and if we are taking behavior personally when it may have absolutely nothing to do with us - even if the "mean person" thinks that it does. Are you making this person an idol by hyper focusing on their behavior?

Lastly, the biggest step I can offer is prayer, especially the Serenity Prayer:
           "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change  [especially the past and other people,] the courage to change the things I can [just my own thoughts and actions right this second,] and the wisdom to know the difference."

When you know that you are going to encounter a difficult person, in advance, pray (or take a time out) and remember that you are not alone. I have had moments where I just had to remember that my God and his group of heavily armed angels were right there with me. Another way to see this is to visualize a spiritual bubble of light surrounding you that none can penetrate. I, however, sometimes need more than a bubble.

We can also detach with love, setting boundaries about how we will engage with that person - often compassionately limiting the time we will spend with them. Some say to visualize physically cutting the rope that connects you. However, Yoga, Buddhism, Christianity, and most other spiritual teachings remind us that we are all connected energetically; so perhaps it's better to detach with love and hope rather than sharp objects...

Ultimately, don't bring a toxic person home with you! If you wouldn't want to live with them, then don't think about them all the time, placing them virtually beside you. For those who really do live with the person giving you trouble, all of the tools above are for you, but I am reminded of a quote: "Accept it, enjoy it, or change it!"

This is but one form of distraction and interruption in life. Hopefully, we can assess it and let the experience be a brief learning experience and a sign for us to get back to our own spiritual homework and self study, rather than allowing the experience to be an obstacle. That is the ultimate victory over a mean person -use them as a tool for growth and kindly move forward, boundaries lovingly established, with your posse of guardian angels and spiritual power. Remembering that we are all humans, all struggling in one way or another, but all accountable for our words and thoughts. Namaste!

Resources:
Michael Smith, The Presence Process
Melody Beattie, Language of Letting Go
Alanon materials such as Blueprint for Progress
Dr. John DeMartini

Coming Back

I have not written in 2 years and 7 months. A lot has happened in that time - marriage, new job, moving, and two more dogs to keep Sally company. 

There are seasons, ebbs and flows, in our lives just as there are in the Earth, and that is natural. We just have to recognize the season and act accordingly. ("It's winter; wear a coat!" as my parents would say) 

After spending eight years devoted to volunteerism and another four years encouraging others to do the same, I also backed off of that endeavor and focused all of my spare time on teaching yoga (and on building a new relationship.) With the dawn of 2014, I felt a new shift. I cancelled all but one regularly scheduled yoga class, not really knowing what was going to happen. Pretty quickly volunteer and leadership opportunities appeared, and my heart hollered, "yes! I am ready to do this!"

We, as humans, have to know when to let go and when to come back, whether that is in relationships, careers, projects, or even exercise. There is a balance, a healthy space, between isolating ourselves from everything and repeatedly coming back to something or someone that isn't working or is wearing us thin. At times, this is simply a momentary pause to take care of ourselves before we can continue to go on and take care of others; on the other hand, the change could be more long term.

This is not to say that my classes were going down hill. I just felt compelled to deliver that offering in a different way through workshops and, hopefully, this blog. There are shifts in life, in our energy, and in what we are called to do. 

To know, we have to listen. To listen, we have to relatively calm our minds and be patient. Sometimes, the instructions will be there waiting for us, and often, we have to ask a question of ourselves, of God, and of the Universe. Maybe the question we need to ask about our future is hovering right there, and we just need to acknowledge it. Don't worry about an answer, it will appear in its time. To move forward, we need a mustard seed of faith and confidence, AND... we have to keep clearing our minds and listening! 

Yoga poses, quiet time, and time in nature (ideally when it's not 20 degrees below normal, unless you're a duck hunter) - these practices will help clear your mind so that you can hear that inner whisper. 

To recognize whether what you hear is really your intuition and your Higher Power speaking to you and not actually fear or compulsive self destruction, ask whether the instruction is harmful to you or others and if it contradicts any Higher Truths you've come to know. If so, then it's not for you; it's just distraction and noise. 

So, what is your heart saying? What question is it asking? What part of yourself did you leave behind that perhaps its time to pick back up? What part of your life do you need to release? 

Happy 2014 and Namaste!       

Self-acceptance

Right now, I am a frizzy-haired pacifist in mercenaries’ clothing, and Sally, my five month old puppy, is a chronically muddy dog with a taste for paper who cannot keep her leash untangled despite my efforts to enable her (my views not hers.)

 Self-acceptance is not about making excuses for your behavior; it’s looking in the mirror, being honest, and identifying the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, and the tangled. Most of us have trouble with one half of this or the other.  However, wherever we go, we are there, and the only way to change this perpetual company we keep is to get to know, embrace, love, and forgive that person. Who knows, once we get to know them, we may not want to change them so much.

After all, spending time condemning ourselves, like worrying, does not contribute to life at all (neither does fooling ourselves,) and comparing ourselves to others is a defect in itself. This is true in asana practice as well. We have to meet our bodies where they are; forcing them into poses, rather than accepting their current state and allowing them to open organically, will literally cause our bodies to bust out of the constriction which is both painful and expensive.

Each part of us is a pixel of our image, our being; only together do they form a real picture; furthermore, our unique state of being, even awkwardness, are pieces of a larger universal puzzle which requires  every single one to make the whole. Funny thing is the moment of glimpsing this entire picture ironically will cause it to immediately change! Just keep your eyes open!

First things first, though, we cannot accept ourselves until we know ourselves through self-study, “svadhyaya.” The ancient Indian sage, Putanjali, as interpreted by BKS Iyengar, said that we learn of our true selves through studying sacred texts. Alternatively, Deepak Chopra has said that all of our parts, positive and negative ones, become apparent when we act with passion, so that when we throw our whole selves into something, a task or pursuit, then every piece comes to the surface. This can be a little scary and is at least partially responsible for why we often act on the shallow surface of life and do not make a habit of truly looking in the mirror much less to say, I love you.

What many people experience as obstacles in life are reflections of “a decision to shut out understanding.” In other words, they are reflections of our own resistance. Nevertheless, we often feel like victims of an uncontrollable current.  This bewilderment is not fate but “holes in awareness,” places where we haven’t looked.   

Looking in the mirror is liberating. It removes obstacles as well as the pretense between you and your God, a relationship that will produce even further self-acceptance, and, if that God can love your company, surely you can too.

I will most likely always dance like a white girl who spent too much time in Ballet and be the girl who turns red, speaks “so softly,” tries too hard to make conversation, and  is more comfortable playing by herself a few yards away… most of the time, but I know it and intend to throw my shimmy-like-a-white-girl self into this rabbit hole called life as fully as possible, eyes wide open, and accept, if not enjoy, my company while I’m at it. Won’t you join me?

(Perhaps your knee jerk reaction is that this is so very cheesy, but I dare you to look where you haven’t looked just for kicks…)

Namaste,

Crystal

Life Lessons

Yesterday, I reread all of my posts so far. Most life lessons are like sunscreen; you have to reapply often.

Unfortunately, not only do I have to remind myself, I generally have to learn them first hand and not take someone else's word for it. Furthermore, it may take several "opportunities" before the lesson becomes clear.

Lessons don't sink into us until we are ready for them. For instance, we may know that to repeat the same thing over and over again and expect a different result is insanity, but we will continue to do so despite negative results until we are REALLY ready to stop; meanwhile the Universe will keep giving us such opportunities until whatever we need to gain is clear and heartily absorbed. Sacred texts can be quite repetitive, I believe, intentionally for this same reason.

Tom Clancy (and a Native American before him) said that "once you stop learning, you die."  It's certainly true that when you become complacent, life throws curve balls to keep us on our toes. This experience would be pretty boring otherwise.

This is why we "practice" yoga, law, and medicine. When we revisit an asana, a situation, or a parable, we embrace it differently every time and stretch ourselves slightly more.

We just have to have faith that we learn what we need to now and uncover the rest at the right time and that all of our life experiences and lessons are there as a tool belt inside of us even if they are not apparent. Be thankful for your teachers and messengers – the pleasant and the harsh, and be proud when you see your responses subtly shift and when you recognize the same patterns (bonus points when you start to recognize them at the beginning.) It's tempting to beat yourself up when we realize we knew better, but, after all, Jesus did instruct us to have the mind and eyes of children...

Best wishes in this classroom called Earth,

Crystal

The Courage to Change The Things I am

Wow, the month of April has literally and figuratively blown by! So much for a post a day or even a week...

I like to multitask whether it's my phone, driving, and make up (yes I proudly admit it) or praying, walking, and wearing Sally, my puppy, out. Yesterday while we were walking, I said the Serenity Prayer, as usual, starting out with "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change," but, instead of "the courage to change the things I can," "the courage to change the things I am" accidentally came out. Truly, this is the only thing I can change.

Then, a moment ago, while sitting at the computer pulling directions for my cousin  who is helping me move tomorrow, I thought, "He better not show up in the morning hungover!" Immediately, my own glass of wine fell over, dumping a pool of Sauvignon Blanc around the keyboard. The irony and timing was so amazing and perfect that it was my reminder to share this thought. I have absolutely no control over my cousin or anyone else for that matter despite my very best intentions. The only person I have "control" over is me. [Disclaimers: I have come to this conclusion after many years of, shall we call it, experimentation. Secondly, I was not really worried he would do so by the way, but we'll see. ;)]

Not only do I solely have control over myself and no one else, I only have power over my actions and thoughts at this very moment. "The courage to change things I am," not I was or I will. As a result, torturing ourselves with the past or the future or carrying it around with us on a daily basis is futile as well as distracting. However, being present in this moment and really managing our current thoughts and the vibrations we emit will impact our future and everyone around us.

Sometimes, who we are currently or the way that we currently see ourselves is scary. At this point, we can either do something about it step by step (hint hint ;) ) or use the unhealthy state in which we may presently find ourselves as an excuse to perpetuate the same. This is why we pray for courage, courage that may be otherwise outside our reach.

The Serenity Prayer also helps us chop down the list of worries that pop up. If I cannot control anyone or anything else, what I should be focusing on is more manageable. In yoga philosophy, this is part of isvarapranidhana, a niyama, which means to let go and let God or simply to surrender. My Grandma Utley used to tell me that every single time I asked her advice, and I would get so annoyed because I did not understand what she was saying to me at the time. However, sometimes that is truly all that we can productively do. The Serenity Prayer helps us to figure out what items are in this category and to obtain the wisdom to recognize that which we can change, ourselves - right now.

Namaste,
Crystal

p.s. I wrote this without access to spell check, so my apologies in advance!