The Courage to Change The Things I am

Wow, the month of April has literally and figuratively blown by! So much for a post a day or even a week...

I like to multitask whether it's my phone, driving, and make up (yes I proudly admit it) or praying, walking, and wearing Sally, my puppy, out. Yesterday while we were walking, I said the Serenity Prayer, as usual, starting out with "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change," but, instead of "the courage to change the things I can," "the courage to change the things I am" accidentally came out. Truly, this is the only thing I can change.

Then, a moment ago, while sitting at the computer pulling directions for my cousin  who is helping me move tomorrow, I thought, "He better not show up in the morning hungover!" Immediately, my own glass of wine fell over, dumping a pool of Sauvignon Blanc around the keyboard. The irony and timing was so amazing and perfect that it was my reminder to share this thought. I have absolutely no control over my cousin or anyone else for that matter despite my very best intentions. The only person I have "control" over is me. [Disclaimers: I have come to this conclusion after many years of, shall we call it, experimentation. Secondly, I was not really worried he would do so by the way, but we'll see. ;)]

Not only do I solely have control over myself and no one else, I only have power over my actions and thoughts at this very moment. "The courage to change things I am," not I was or I will. As a result, torturing ourselves with the past or the future or carrying it around with us on a daily basis is futile as well as distracting. However, being present in this moment and really managing our current thoughts and the vibrations we emit will impact our future and everyone around us.

Sometimes, who we are currently or the way that we currently see ourselves is scary. At this point, we can either do something about it step by step (hint hint ;) ) or use the unhealthy state in which we may presently find ourselves as an excuse to perpetuate the same. This is why we pray for courage, courage that may be otherwise outside our reach.

The Serenity Prayer also helps us chop down the list of worries that pop up. If I cannot control anyone or anything else, what I should be focusing on is more manageable. In yoga philosophy, this is part of isvarapranidhana, a niyama, which means to let go and let God or simply to surrender. My Grandma Utley used to tell me that every single time I asked her advice, and I would get so annoyed because I did not understand what she was saying to me at the time. However, sometimes that is truly all that we can productively do. The Serenity Prayer helps us to figure out what items are in this category and to obtain the wisdom to recognize that which we can change, ourselves - right now.

Namaste,
Crystal

p.s. I wrote this without access to spell check, so my apologies in advance!